Under the weak table lamp light along Hollingbury

On this facebook compare friends section, i am ranked 14th most kiss-able! Unbelivable! How untrue this ranking is! My dear female friends, i think u it is time to try the real thing. Very soon i will be back to motherland after 2 years of happy life as a student and i must make sure the ranking can only go up. Haahhaha. Never have time to update my blog, ok excuses… never even logon to friendster at all this year. However, you must agree that time just passes faster than eating a bowl of wanton mee. Wrinkles are surfacing from the corner of the eyes and of course hair is dropping fast (for those who are laughing at me now, i will kill u!). I must say that life here have been quite fullfilling for me. Travelling, making friends and whacking the exams like I never done before. To make enough money to travel, i am a part time private hire ferry service chauffer. In short, taxi driver, or even shorter ‘ahmad’. I do ferry service to those rich chinese magnate daughters and son who are so pampered that they cant take trains or buses. Most of the time i send or pick them up from Heathrow airport back to Brighton.

Everytime when an unknown number appears on my nokia phone means business is coming! This time im picking a friend’s girlfriend who is coming over from Beijing. it was 4pm in the afternoon, bright sunshine as if it is 12 noon as sun sets here at 9pm. It takes me about an hour to reach the airport if the traffic is easy. At about 3/4 the journey, suddenly my stomach starts to rumble like my 9 year old Volkswagen Passat engine. so i decided to push the speedometer up a little from 80 to 90 miles and hour (144km/h) to rush there to shit. Along the M25, exit 13 is the one to Terminal 3, somewhere at exit 12, this little blinking jeep that writes ‘traffic control’ on the door starts to overtake a lot of vehicles and stop in the middle of the expressway. To ensure drivers do not speed, every on and off there are these jeeps stationed to stop the flow of vehicles. damn, i said to myself. its only 1 exit, tmd damn suay. 5 mins later, the damn fucking jeep is still not moving and i cant proceed. at this time my stomach is growling as if mohd ali is practicing his punches in my stomach, but still tahanable. 10 mins later, cold sweat starts to fall from my head. my palms are wetting the steering wheels. i can feel something is forcing its way out of my asshole and its not the usual solid ones. my face turning abit pale but the traffic is still not moving. mohd ali is going for his final round beating like he has never beat before. i hold on tight to my steering, my ass muscles are use fully to the max, contracting every inch fighting against the gravity. at the same time i am biting on to my safety belts. some foul smell air are coming out from the seat, its driving me nuts, i started to shiver, my ass is still tahaning to keep it close and tight. i started to look for tissue paper. there is a tissue box at the back seat, but i cant reach it, a little movement from me, it will be horrendous. den i start to look for containers, i saw a magazine, i thought maybe i can tear the pages and form a small box. but i just cant see myself shitting in the car! 15 mins now, the phone starts to ring becasue the client has reached the arrival hall. by having the phone in my pocket and vibrating is not helping. then the god heard me (or maybe smell me) the jeep off its blinking lights and the cars start to move. without any doubt, i whack my accelerator to the max and fucking zoom like challenging the speed of a plane at 120 miles an hour (192km/h) no joke. it is that fast. after parking the car. i sprint as fast as i could and at the same time still keeping my ass as tight as 1000 virgin to the toilet…. the feeling…. omg…. even better than orgasm…. i swear….

This link is damn cool, learn to swear the Singapore way…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singapore_sexual_slang

got it from HS

Yukie sent me a note on friends and there is this phrase I particularly like,

‘If someone betrays you once, it is his/her fault;
If he/she betrays you twice, it is your fault’

I found that there are many ways of saying the word 3 as in THREE.

Actual way of saying is THREE put the tongue in between your teeth.

The English has lazy tongue so they say FREE.

The Singaporean has lazy tongue too, we say TREE

The Chinese will say SREE

and the Hong Kongers worst FLEE.

I’m in the middle of a 10 lap exams within the space of 15days and 4 has passed. Not looking good……. tmr will be the fear for me… if you are reading this drop me your best wishes and god will bless you… me too…

What are talk cock friends? Friends who never take serious note on your comment, thinking whatever you said are a form of joke, crap something which they laugh off and forget about. Facts are usually not expressed in a talk cock session. For example back in 921, we talk about Tony, CK, Hui havin affair with whoever, blah blah, blah… they never think its a truth they never think its real and  most of the time they defend themselves by retaliating the crudest way of speech, we had good fun and call it a day.

Back a few months ago while we had some CNY eve dinner with some Chinese friends from China, I made an absolutely harmless, no ill thoughts, innocent comment to this married woman who is in her late 30s. I said it in my usual joking plus a little seductive tone in mandarin,’ aiyo, come la, tommorrow I go your house u cook dinner for me la.’ The husband is back in China and only meet like twice a year. The face turned to a mouldy black chacoal and conversation between us come to a complete cease. I receive a call from her the next day, ‘Do you know that what you say last night will insult my ‘Qing Bai’?’ My jaws fell, my eyes ballooned, I cushioned my forehead onto my palm and controlled it from left to right continously. ‘People might think we are commiting an adultery, I’m someone with husband, you can say this to anyone but not me.’ I..I…. really never expect this reaction, I stammered to reply, I struggle to think of an excuse or a reason to make her feel better except an apology which I will never say when no wrong had intervene. What I had possibly said was that I won’t say any thing regarding her in front of anyone ever.

Case 2

A few of us mainly chinese were in a computer lab getting some info for something which I can’t remember, one of them(a girl who is rather nice looking, about 1.65m tall, long straight black hair, last but not least NOT FAT. I say again NOT IN ANY ANGLE FAT!) who have some problem loggin on the internet, so I said,’Aiya maybe your fingers are too fat la, type in double digits, hahaha must loss weight la.’ In the past, I read books decribing about a person’s face colour change instantly when something happen, I don’t believe till now. Her face turn into a super red packet! Walau! She was I think damn bloody, superly, extremely, awfully, utterly, aiya watever ‘ly’ la, embarress! OMG! After that she refuse to talk to me, she ignored me, she walk away from me, she just treats me like a man who never bath for 20 years, or someone who has some some kind of disease like that. Well, I think afterall, she is still a young lady in her early 20s, comments on her silhouette can be sometimes fatal.

Case 3

This case champion, No.1 of the block. Classic example of a girl from the farm in the deepest valley of China. We were discussing on this particular module taught by a lecturer who is famous for being a ‘lau ti koh’. So I was saying,’why I’m not a pretty girl, if not I will get better marks, eh why not you use your seductive woman skill and ask him to give you somemore additional marks la.’ At this point of time, I think back the days in Singapore when I made seductive gesture to my girl friends like cx, yf, xy, yj, lp, fy, sh….. winking at them and wetting my lips with my sexy tongue and twiching my little right eye brow plus the forefinger asking them to ‘come baby come’. (if you are thinking of vommiting now means u r my good buddy friend because I can foresee that coming from you).

So my 20-year-old classmate replied,’how can you say such things?’ in a terribly serious tonne as if I massacred her cows. ‘Can you don’t say things like that? It is an insult to me!’ My jaws fell, my eyes ballooned, I cushioned my forehead onto my palm and controlled it from left to right continously again.

Is it me or is it them? Will I get the same reply if I say it to an English, Irish or a Singaporean?

(I’m not stereotyping)

What John (my housemate) say is right, ‘Be who you are, don’t change for anyone, they accept you for who you are, be it a girlfriend or a friend.’

To my talk cock friends: I MISS TALKING COCK WITH YOU GUYS…

In about a week time, I will be facing something really horrible, tormenting, painful, excruciating part of studying… exams. I can’t recall the last time I had my exams, the type of kan cheongness. This exam is going to be very different from the past, I treat this exam as a very commercialise, profit related, money matter affair. If I dun do well, my mum $ will be wasted, my $ will be wasted, my time will be wasted, summarise DIE. If you ask me, am I stressed? Hm… I think shouldering a £30,000 price tag you are suppose to make good ROI, hence, OF COURSE FUCKING STRESS LA!

I’m going to have this interesting little Hollywood stint, there is this Greek director who recently graduated from Brighton University Film School and started his own production co. He wrote a script about this 2 chinese guys from Macau being sold to London to work as slave and slowly got themselves into the triads of England. With some self-proclaiming acting instinct and talent, I emailed the director to express my anxiety. He actually explained to me that the 2 chinese guys he is looking for are age 16-19….. TMD, obviously my hairline gave my age away. Well, that ain’t the end! There happen to be another role for me! wahahah! Chinese gang leader of London Branch! Something like Tsang zhiwei in Infernal affairs, but the only difference is that he had about 700 lines of dialog while I only hav 7. I went for the audition 2 weeks ago and indeed I’m a natural……. I know I damn buay hiow pai but I can’t help it……woohhahahah….. He say I’m the man for the job!

Ok, back to the exams topic. I think I’m probably to kiasu, I studied for exams 2 mths b4 the at this point of time, I lost the mood to carry on, as if no stamina like tat, while my friends are all whacking hard i’m kind of switch off! OMG wats happening! Someone please save me! I need that motivation to carry on!!!!

The neck stretching wait to become the English champion has finally ended. The thought of Jose Morinho leading the applause to welcome mighty Utd at Stamford Bridge was a trilling feeling. Althought we are out of the Champions League, we still have plenty to cheer about. Glory Glory Man Utd!!!! I will be in Old Trafford next season I swear….

My Best 11 this season,

                           Shuwu                               Rooney                   

Pederson                       Essien                 Gerrard              Ronaldo

Riise                     Rio                             Terry                  Cole

                                               Cech

I started the habit of smoking at the age of 17 when I was in poly, its almost 10 years now and finally I’m feeling the harmful effects of it. Until I actually realise that I couldn’t intake as much information in school and homework. My maths has always been my strengths in studies but now I even have problems doing ratios. So I look up to the internet to check on the exact effects of smoking. And indeed the symtoms are surfacing. I experience numb in my arms and leg easily and especially when I’m lying on bed, this is one of the problems because it decrease the rate of oxygen n blood flowing into ones limb and brain. Growing of nails at a slower rate and bleeding and the area connecting the nails and the flesh. Oh damn it man. I think I have to take this seriously, and I think its time to call it quits. When should I start? I still have 2 and a half cartons in my cupboard…

The wedding bells have been ringing through my phones, msn, friendster lately. Friends, buddy, childhood friends, class mates are all the categories involve in this graveyard digging ceremony… oops no offence perhaps i havnt found my other part yet. I don’t really know how to react when these bells surprise me all the time! Gladys was one of the first few, so I thought, well she’s a girl, maybe she found someone old enough, capable enough, gd enough, stable enough and ya, why not? Then came my long time old army buddy Bernard, turning 27 this year and got married last month. Damn, we are suppose to go on a backpack trip in US next year! A few weeks later, a friend of mine msn me telling me she is expecting for 3 mths and signed on the last cert that I would put my pen on last week. Last definately not the least, our famous IFU player, AH PANG! Put the wedding band through his wife’s 4th finger sometime last week as well. Saw his wedding photos on friendster. And wow i still can’t digest that so many of my peers are marching through the red carpet. My cousin, 25, may visit me in her honeymoon next week. In dec, Simon & our gang are going crash Wenjun’s door against mighty Wendy and Shuhui. Concurrently, Zhixiang will begin another part of his life after the YUM SENG session with Yiping.

So, hm… whos next….?

Who set the rules on the amount of sleep you are entitled? Do you get frustrated when you are wakened up prematurely? I’ve been studying till late night recently to about 3am, in order to carry on this mighty spirit of whacking books, I have to sleep to at least 12noon to have the energy to battle my notes again. So this particular morning, I was wakened up at 9am just because he thinks that 9am is late and should wake up for a greatday. KNN. I was so damn fucking toolan. Can anyone be as inconsiderate as him? CB.

If you happen to sleep beside your gf or bf, and you need to wake up in the middle of the night to pee or pang sai, do you just flip the blanket walk towards the door open and shut it? Or do you actually creep out of the bed, silently open the door close it after you? I remember one of my ex-gf, tmd, thinking that I don’t ever exist on the bed, close the door(not slam la but quite loud) and woke me up while I was having a beautiful dream with Fiona Xie. Well, I know sleeping with other and dreaming about the other is not very right but I cant help dreaming ma. But thats beside the case, next time if you need to do anything in the dark night, consider about others, they need their forty winks. Be quiet.

Back to my house, that morning was indeed a fuming day. My face turned damn black, everyone was my enemy. The following week lagi power, me and Tony backpack to Paris, after more than 35 hours without sleep just because I need to pick Tony up at the airport and go casino tilll morning, we are walking along the streets in France at 11pm looking for a place to sleep that suits our budget. With a little whinning from me, we got a place at €34 each twin bedroom. The hot shower came no better than it was, the bed was continously screaming ‘come to papa’. So before we off the lights to connect our eye lids, Tony asked, ‘Oi tomolo wat time wake up ah? I set alarm clock.’ I replied while slotting my legs into the duvet, ‘hm, 10am lor’. Good night….. 4 hours later the loudest alarm clock ever exist on earth blasted through my ear drums, vibrating my brain cells causing my dreams to dimished into the clouds. Wah Piang ay! That Tony put Singapore time 10am! which is France time 4am! Wa lau! we both laughed and went back to sleep.